The Long Journey

It's been almost 11 years. 11 years since I began this journey. If you asked me 11 years ago were I would be today, I would never have guessed that I would be at this point. I have changed so much. Wants, needs, dreams, friends, jobs, all changed so much. There are still a few things of familiarity, but for the most part, possibly 75 percent has changed. Dreams and aspirations become more practical and realistic. Friends come and go. Things you thought you wanted to do for a living are no longer pleasurable and you find yourself doing things you would have never believed you could accomplish or be able to enjoy.
      11 years ago I applied to college. I was a depressed, stressed out, scrawny, pennyless, pessimistic, scared little man. I realized something had to change. I could not be scared anymore. I had to take some big steps. After much prayer, and filling out applications for financial aid, I got into the local community college. It was not easy. I had a lot of negative back lash. At the time, I did not know what I wanted to be when "I grew up." My father wanted me to inherit the business. I had been working along side him for years since I was a little boy. I saw that, although I learned a great many skills of which I am greatful for and even put to good use today, I really did not want to continue the family legacy. I did feel guilt for some time, and I recieved negative comments from family regarding my choice. I realised though with the economy the way it was, and the fact that I had no insurance, no paid vacation, and no stability in the job market, I needed a new skill that would provide me the knowledge to gain my independence from my parents and hopefully one day provide for a family.
     I began taking basic courses at the local community college. I actually found it fascinating that my income was so low that with grants, I was having quite a bit of money left over for living expenses. I received the maximum that the governments Pell grants would provide for low income individuals. I really applied myself, made mostly A's, and still worked full time while in school. I changed a few jobs here and there trying to find something stable. I heard about being a pharmacy tech and how it only required a certification and no schooling. It was talked up quite a great deal to me as being a good career. I studied hard from some book at Barnes and Noble and 3 months later passed the boards with flying colors. Finding a job was harder than I thought. After 911, everyone wanted people with experience. You pretty much had to work at minimum wage for a while and work your way up if you could even get minimum wage. I started working for a small independent compounding pharmacy. It was interesting work, but the drive was far, it was minimum wage, and I had no benefits. So I kept searching. I landed a job at a retail store of which I will not name here in this blog. That was one of the biggest mistakes in my life. This is when I started having the panic attacks, major depression, lost 40 pounds in a couple of months, and I started to freak out. I could barely make it through the day.
     People you would think would support you after all that you had done for them just avoided me like the plague. I started to isolate myself. That worsened my situation. It was a dark spiraling abyss I was falling into. The only thing keeping me somewhat together was my spirituality. If I did not have that, who knows what would have happened to me. I even had suffered suicidal ideations for a time. I prayed and prayed that the pain would go away. It did eventually, not completely, and became easier for me to manage over the years. 11 years is a long time to learn how to cope with a problem. One grows a lot in over a decade. A few years ago, I thought about how I had things I wish I had done better, or did not have to go through. Nowadays, I realize it is our experiences that make us who we are. With out enduring my trials in the past, I would not be who I am today, and I want to be who I am. I have become comfortable with myself.
    About a year into college, I saw a helicopter land on the school grounds. It was the careflight team of flight nurses. The were there for a job fair. I asked many questions and determined that that was what I wanted to be, a careflight nurse. I continued studying hard. Meanwhile, I found a job as a pharmacy technician at the hospital. That was the best thing to happen to me. To this day, I still work for this company although in a different capacity. I took the job making a significant increase in hourly wages, got benefits, and it was a lot less stressful. I then found out that they had a nursing program that the hospital paid for in full. It was a flexible program that would allow me to work and do school at the same time. I got right in. After a total of 7 years of being a pharmacy technician at various locals, I got my first nursing job as a GN after graduating from El Centro College. I took a job in the Neuro Surgical ICU. It was tough. It was hard work and very stressful. I worked nights the entire time. Despite the negatives however, I was proud to be a ICU nurse. A few years into being a nurse, my parents finally became comfortable with the idea and were proud of me.
     I wanted something more after  a few years. I started working for a different manager as a float ICU nurse. This meant I could work in any ICU in the hospital with the exception of neonatal ICU. I could also work the telemetry units, surgery, ER, and PACU if I wanted. I learned a great many skills.  A couple of years into that, I had a friend tell me about being a nurse in the UK. That really appealed to me. I went to London for a couple of weeks with him to see if that was what I wanted. I fell in love with the UK. However, after much paper work and delays of trying to get my liscense registered in the UK, I gave up. I worked as a travel nurse in the state of Alaska. I loved everything about Alaska. I wanted to stay. However, I recieved a call from a friend in Dallas who knew I used to work with the Vietnamese community and had studied Vietnamese for some time. He said that they were in the process of trying to start a Vietnamese congregation in Dallas and could use my help. I jumped at the chance. I came back to Texas and started helping with the new congregation. I love it! It has been a real blessing to help these people and I have made great new friends. It has been hard work, but for every 100 percent effort I put into it, I get 1000 percent of blessings back.
      Meanwhile, I have been promoted to a managerial type of job with in my company. I will be starting that next week. I am super excited about it. I am one who gets bored easy and does not like to sit still for long. This will be a great opportunity to learn new things and change my environment. I am at a point in life where, though things are not perfect and I still have some bad days, I still feel blessed to be able to be a part of peoples lives, both in my nursing career and outside of it in my spiritual life with my spiritual family. Life is not with out problems, but it is how we react to those problems that defines us.Do we wallow in our misery, or do we allow the experiences to endow us with wisdom.